glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
