gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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