Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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