I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
