I just cut my nipple shaving
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
