you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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