My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
