Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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