if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
