Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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