I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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