how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
