Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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