Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
