Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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