I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize