I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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