Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
