Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
