dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
