You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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