she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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