He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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