Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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