ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
this hospital has no fireball
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
