I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize