I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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