then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
