Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
