capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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