someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
