Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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