I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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