someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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