You just made me feel so damn special
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
