It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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