Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
