Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
