At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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