i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
