he wants to bone in the snuggie
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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