im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
