I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I sprained my soul last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My penis needs a shock collar
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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