she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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