They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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