So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
