Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
