I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
