Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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