You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
