It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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