thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
