I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
