Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I didn't notice because vodka
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
