so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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