My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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