I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
false alarm, still single
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
