its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
