New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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