I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
