look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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