Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
