i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
