I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
