Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
