oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
