Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
