You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
