Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
