: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
