I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
