I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
