I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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