when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
