It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize