I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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