apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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