butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is Oprah even human
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
