Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
