The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
