her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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