There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
