At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
