A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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