you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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