Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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