the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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