mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
