Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
