party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
