dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I only lived at night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
