The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
