If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
