Swine flu. Run for my life!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
