it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
