i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
