the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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